I am not perfect person, far from it. In fact, I would argue that my flaws are greater than most, and have the potential to combust and cause great harm to myself and others. That said, I have tried to absolve myself of responsibility for my quirks/actions/peccadillos, despite the increasingly frequent protests, by noting that this is how I have always been. A “take me as I am” attitude that I believed showed a reasonable sense of self worth.
Today, I am not so sure. To say that recent events have rocked me to my core, would be an understatement. I’m blessed to see myself through new eyes, and realize that while this house has “good bones”, there are many, many things that were once viewed as giving character that in fact could use a remodel or outright teardown.
Excuses are easy to come by, and so is a defensive posture. Frankly, I have tired of listening to myself, so I now pay someone else to. Trust me when I say he’s not getting paid near enough. But I am growing to appreciate the mirror in front of me, because it’s not just about pointing out my flaws ( or more correctly, the flaws that others see), but also the character that makes me who I am. What I feared would be a neutering of my self I now consider a welcome exercise in self improvement.
What I would pay to know tomorrow. No, let me change that. What I would pay to change yesterday. Because sometimes the cost of living in MeVille is so great some are unwilling to visit, much less be a neighbor. And that stark reality has finally hit home.
As I stare at the lone edifice occupying ChristopherRoss, it’s overwhelming to think of the work yet to be done. So I am resolving to take it one day, one project at a time (using the ToDo list so conveniently provided by others) and hope that someday, somehow, it’s no longer the only house on the block.